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Not Quite Dead Yet – I Hate Titling Things!

Not Quite Dead Yet

  • Series: Zoids (CC)
  • Character(s): The GF cast, Hiltz, Ambient
  • Genre: Humor
  • Wordcount: 2456
  • Tagged:
    Originally posted: January 30, 2009

  • Notes: Another old one. The piano and poker can be indirectly blamed on (or perhaps credited to) Zinou and Rocke, respectively.

There was no one in the mountains today—not even any furry critters or birds. The trail leading down into the nearby village—a relatively small one, other than a museum and a few similar buildings—was completely empty. It was almost as if nature was expecting something to happen. Surely enough, a bright flash of light filled the air, shattering the whole peaceful scene, and a man and a red organoid came falling out of the sky.

"Ow...Ambient! Get off my foot!"

Yes, this man was a certain infamous character known as Hiltz...a man who by all rights should be dead, having been fused to the core of a certain infamous Zoid known as the Death Saurer when a certain not-infamous-but-famous Blade Liger slammed through it. And yet...here he was, organoid and all, completely healthy.

He blinked. Ambient got up, shaking a few blades of grass off his snout.

"Wait a minute. One minute I'm blowing things up and succeeding in my plan, and then that blasted Liger hits me, and the next thing I know, I'm here? Ambient, that makes no sense whatsoever...I mean, I'm not fused with the Death Saurer, and I have my clothes back...not that I'm going to complain about that, mind you."

"Grrruuu."

"What do you mean, I'm a cheesy plot device? Well, I'm not going along with that. I'll be a villain on my time, not theirs. I think I'll just go off somewhere and read. Come on, let's find a Zoid or something..."

Ban had been expecting to find nothing out of the ordinary in this small town...just friendly people, and a nice quiet place to stop and take a break.

The last thing in the world he expected to see was Hiltz—or someone who looked exactly like him, anyway—walking out of a bookstore happily whistling some sort of tune.

"Whaaaa~? Fine, look over there!"

"Hiltz!"

"Yeah, but he's dead."

"I'm SURE it's him, Ban." Fine glared at the red-haired man, her hands clenching nervously. "I can sense it."

"Even if you're right, I can't go dragging him off here...I mean, he...Hiltz...was declared dead and all, so he could claim he had no idea what we were talking about and we'd get in trouble...well, I'll track him. You go get Thomas and the others, I'll take the Liger."

"Okay...be careful!"

Ah, calm...a nice beach, a good book...an angry Blade Liger leaning over him and growling...gee. It was the Guardian Force. Perfect, just perfect. He would run into them, wouldn't he. Of all the places to...well, re-appear, for lack of a better word. Putting down his book, he sighed and turned to address the group of Zoids. Sieg leaped off the Liger's head to growl at Ambient, who grouchily got up from the sand where he'd been batting at his new volleyball.

"Do you MIND? I'm trying to read."

"...you mean you're not trying to destroy all the humans on the planet and repopulate it with Ancient Zoidians or whatever?"

"That's still a goal of mine, yes, but did you think all I did was sit around and plot evil things, or something? Crazed genocidal maniacs have to relax too."

"Er...hey! Sieg! Stop that!" The silver organoid in question had been trying to start up a game of volleyball with Ambient, but upon hearing Ban yell, he turned around...only to get hit in the back of the head with the ball. Ambient growled a deep chuckle, and Sieg sulked. "Come on, you're not supposed to play volleyball with wanted criminals."

"Well, Ban, he has a point...he's not doing anything wrong."

"Right now, anyway! He said it was still a goal!"

"And technically, if he's been declared dead, I don't think they could prosecute him."

"Moonbay, you're not helping."

Ambient, meanwhile, had tried to swat the volleyball with his tail...which, of course, had popped it. Keening as sadly as is possible for a big tough organoid, he poked Hiltz with a claw and pointed to it.

"I warned you after the first time you did that...don't look at me, I don't have a case of volleyballs lying around. Honestly, you're just making us look silly."

"Graaa..."

"Then again, I don't think they're paying attention." The rest of the group was currently locked in a heated debate about obscure technicalities in the planet's legal system. Sieg was the only one not participating, but he was still sulking over not being allowed to play.

"Shall we go?"

It took everyone a while to realize that Hiltz had left...finally, Thomas pointed out that the renegade Zoidian had run away nearly half an hour ago, but no one had listened to him.

"Such interesting fossils...don't you agree, Ambient?"

Mrrring agreement, the red organoid brought a pointy snout down to sniff one of them. The tour guide didn't object—he was currently cowering in fear at the other side of the room.

"Honestly..I'm in a good mood and so's he...no need to stand over there like a bunch of spooked Helcats...fine, fine. Suit yourselves..." Hiltz shrugged and went back to reading what the label claimed was some important sample of ancient writings. It was really sports scores, but he doubted anyone would listen to him if he pointed it out.

"Hold it right there, Hiltz!"

"Oh, joy."

The now rather pointy and rather red Garius streaked across the sand with a desperation borne out of sheer terror. It didn't understand why someone being nice enough to revive it and get it out of that boring museum was cause for a Dibison and two unknown Zoids to be attempting to kill it.

Then again, it didn't know the man in question was a crazed evil Ancient Zoidian short one invincible killer Zoid who just wanted to read and get some SLEEP, darnit.

"I still think maybe if we just left him alone..."

"But he ADMITTED he's still evil!"

"But he's not doing anything wrong now...can't we give him a chance?"

"Argh...okay. Fine." Sighing, Ban powered down the Blade Liger, the Dibison and Saix following suit. "Stupid legal system...but I swear, the minute he does anything evil..."

"Besides, that Zoid's a valuable antique...wouldn't do for mister goodie-goodie over there to go blowing it up..."

"RAVEN! What are you doing here?" Ban demanded. The Geno Breaker had apparently appeared out of nowhere, although it had really only flown in from behind while everyone was debating whether to chase the now-long-gone Garius.

"What are YOU doing here?" was Raven's reply, relying on the age-old trick of responding to that question with that when you don't want to say.

"I asked you first!"

"Well, I'm not answering until you do!"

"Well, then you'll never know, will you?" The Blade Liger growled at the Breaker, which hissed back.

"And neither will you! So there!"

"...you know, I think I liked it better when they tried to kill each other." Irvine drummed his fingers on the Saix's controls—they were going to be here a while.

Hiltz, meanwhile, was finally getting a chance to read his book. He'd read the introduction once already before being so rudely interrupted. This place seemed to be isolated enough, though...a nice beach, surrounded on all sides by large pointy rocks to keep out the pesky humans, and small enough to discourage most Zoids. Of course, most Zoids were not so tiny and nimble as the little Garius he'd stolen was. Sure, the Death Stinger had been nice. If terrain was in your way...well, it wouldn't be for long.

But there was something to be said for little Zoids like this. Small...not really noticed...and that was what he'd been looking for. Villains had to eat, after all. And they had had to find beach essentials such as shorts (his usual attire may have looked imposing, but it was such a pain to get sand out of it) and a case of volleyballs for a stupid Organoid that kept popping them.

Said organoid was currently sunning on top of the Garius, enjoying the added warmth the glass canopy offered. Said organoid also sounded as if he were falling asleep.

"Ambient, wake up! You're supposed to be watching for the pizza delivery guy!"

A horrible scattering screech of claws made it evident Ambient had indeed been asleep and was now rather startled. A few seconds of skittering, and the red organoid went plunging into the sand, sending it flying everywhere...including all over Hiltz.

"Pttthhh...you can fly. Pray tell...why didn't you? You know I hate getting sand in my hair..."

Ambient shrugged guiltily, and stood up, shaking sand off (although carefully, so as not to re-bury Hiltz in the stuff)...and then pointed at a rapidly approaching figure carrying a box.

"About time," Hiltz stood as the pizza delivery guy jogged up to them. He glared at the younger man, who looked as though he were going to fall over, and then took the box.

"You're exactly two minutes and fifty-one seconds late. This is now free, is it not?"

"Sir, my Zoid wouldn't fit down here, and I had to climb down these pointy rocks, and it took me forever to find this place, and..."

"It's supposed to be hard to find. If it were easy to find, it wouldn't make for much of a future secret base, now would it? Besides, it say '45 minutes or less or it's free', not '45 minutes or less after I find where you are'..."

"I'm really sorry...eep." The delivery guy noticed that a rather large and unfriendly-looking red dinosaur was now pacing back and forth behind him...and if that wasn't creepy enough, it seemed to be grinning in all too friendly a manner.

"What's your name, kid?"

"B...Bob...sir!" This is worse than the crazy cat lady...or the guy with the Diloforce that tries to step on me.

"Well, Bob. Not only do you know where my future secret base is, you can't even deliver a pizza properly. I'm hungry, I have sand in my hair, and the best you can come up with is sorry?"

Bob watched as the dinosaur's tail swished from side to side leisurely as the man spoke, and then jumped as it shot him what was quite obviously a grin once it noticed it was being watched—a decidedly not-very-nice grin, one that showed a mouthful of very sharp teeth.

"I'm sorry...I've forgotten to introduce Ambient here! Ambient, Bob. Bob, Ambient. Now. Ambient is going to eat you, Bob...unless you can give me one good reason why he shouldn't in the next 20 seconds."

Poor Bob. He panicked, as anyone would, and stood there, frozen.

"Five seconds..."

"Uh...um..." Well, say something! It's better than nothing! ANYTHING! "I can play the piano!"

"Ambient, hold it." Chirring disappointment, the organoid backed up a few steps and removed his jaws from Bob's arm. "Really? If you're lying, you'll wish Ambient had eaten you."

"Really..." Bob couldn't believe his luck—those lessons had actually paid off! "Well, I'm not the best at it, but I'm sure if I practiced again..."

"Tell you what...I could use an assistant. If you can also fix Zoids and don't mind helping me wipe out all the humans on the planet and repopulate it with Ancient Zoidians, I'll be nice and not have Ambient eat you."

"Uh, I am a human..."

"Mmm...true...but I still need a good mechanic who can play the piano, so I think I can spare you for now. Or would you rather Ambient ate you after all?"

"No, no, that sounds good..." Well, he's crazy, but I bet he'll pay me more than the pizza place does... "Um...your dino thing is eating your pizza..."

"AMBIENT!"

And so, Hiltz's evil plan began again. Of course, he'd later decide to take up concert piano playing along with Bob and Ambient (who accompanied on the triangle, the only instrument he could figure out how to play with such short arms), but that would be far in the future, not where this story is now. Where this story is now, on the other hand, is near nightfall on the same day, out in a patch of desert somewhere...

"All right, I give up! I was out here chasing Hiltz!"

Raven's response was less than satisfactory. "Why?"

"You're supposed to tell me why you were here!"

"No. Hah!"

"Gnhhhh...heyy, where'd everybody go? And where's our Zoids?" Anger forgotten for the moment, Ban stared at the now empty terrain. Somewhere along the line they had both gotten out of their Zoids to yell at each other, but that didn't answer where everyone had gone...

"Look, over there..." A small blue bug sat on a rock, patiently holding a note. Now that it had been seen, it dropped it and skittered off before Raven could smush it—much to his annoyance.

"Well, let's see what it says."

"Took Zoids back to town
while you two were arguing
like idiots.
Have fun walking.

P.S. Riese showed up,
and she wants to know
if you mind if she bets
the Geno Breaker in a game
of poker. Please respond
via bug (attached).
-Moonbay ♥"

"ARGH!"

The two formal rivals set off for the town, arguing the entire way about whose fault it was that they were stuck walking, and then arguing over the fact that they shouldn't be arguing, because that was how they'd gotten into this mess in the first place.

By the time they got back, Riese had won two Command Wolves, an Iguan, and a copy of the Illustrated Guide to Republican Military Zoids from various people...after Moonbay and Fine had teamed up and won most of the available money. A rather annoyed Ban and Raven promised to not engage in another stupid argument like that again, instead vowing a rematch involving Zoids at the next available opportunity. Well, sans the whole killing each other and blowing up bases thing, as that might make the local governments a wee bit upset.

Everyone agreed that this would be a good idea...and that psychic abilities were quite useful in playing poker, as Specular pointed out that Riese had just won yet another hand.

"Oh, look, Raven, keys to a Shield Liger! Your favorite Zoid!"

"...shut up."


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